It has been a very long while since I have written anything and to be honest it's because I seem to have gotten lost along the way a bit.  I've learned a lot during this time in limbo and have experienced some amazing things and some new pains and hurt at depths that I was unaware of before.  Healing is what leads me back here and I hope to find that and help heal someone else that may need it or at least perspective on the inner workings of my mind.  I've said "I'm complicated but I'm not cruel" somehow that wasn't heard and well here we are...



Back in the 1990's I had opportunities placing themselves before me every other day and I'd always pass on them because I thought they'd always be there.  School paid 100%, Pass  Working for a congressman, Pass move to another state paid for and school paid for, Pass and I spent much of the 90's like that and the one thing I didn't want to pass on was having a family.  I wanted to have kids as soon as I could because I wanted to build an army and I wanted to be young enough to be able to do adventurous things with them in their 20's etc... So I ran out and got married at 20 years old and I felt like I was running late because I was already 20!  Within a year my wife tells me she wanted a divorce and didn't want to have children with me, unbeknownst to me that would be a crushing blow to my self esteem for decades to come.



A lot has changed since 2015 since I last wrote here and I'd like to get into it in detail (some parts) because it's important to me that there's some sort of record from a man that even though we create a lot of problems and wars and conflicts that there's men out here that have suffered at the hands of a society that chose to hate them based on the color of their skin, where they grew up, where their parents are born, and so many other reasons that don't justify the abuse.  Then those men have to grow up and PICK how they will release these emotions and careful not to burden anyone for the fear that the rejection, just like from society, will happen again and they won't know how to react. 



Looking for peace I think has been a challenge because we always forget that before peace there's a first step, healing.  This blog I started back in 2012 because I had the great idea of walking across the US to ask people what they thought is needed for peace in our society.  I unfortunately shared the idea with a Pastor that was looking for a hook to gain popularity and he made his moved before I could and ruined the opportunity there.  With the funds raised we settled on bringing Brothers from across the country to talk about this process of Peace and I brought up the fact that no one was talking about healing and how that needs to be the first step before you get to peace.  We explored the idea and came up with many more thoughts around it and we spent a good three days speaking on it.  We haven't gathered since but the message is out there about healing.  One has to be in the process of healing or at least understand that healing needs to be present first before you find peace.  People have said that peace is healing but I believe it to be the outcome of a process of healing and not to say that I am right but you have to face what you've done and what's been done to you before you can be at peace with it.



I invite you to read some of the past post to get an idea of who I am and what I was trying to do and later I will share what I will do as a second part, at a national level, for walking to peace and hope that you'll be there to participate.

Peace / AMOR

Gerardo