Looking for Peace.....at home.

At the age of 37 I have come to realize that the space I occupy where I sleep, eat sometimes, and write this Blog is not really my home nor is it a place of comfort.  I don’t like my kitchen, not a fan of the bathroom, and I really don’t have patience for the rest of the place either.  Is it that I’m difficult to please or is it really this space?

Some of my first memories of my childhood home are of my mother cooking in the kitchen and my dad somewhere in the backyard.  Since 1989 I haven’t had much of a feeling of a home where I can sit back and enjoy its comfort because in 1989 my parents sold the house I grew up in and I never got over it.  The new house came at a time that my sisters and I were in a transition in our lives no longer was I being bused to school I had to get there on my own.  The oldest was in college and working in the real world and my other sister was in her last year of high school.  The new neighborhood greeted me with the constant harassment of the police because, I imagine, they never saw me before and wanted to see what I was about.  The new house was only six blocks away from my high school and that provided me the opportunity to cut class as often as I could and just go home.  I tried not to but I ran into many problems with the biggest kids.  I was never afraid because I had already spent a lot of time getting into little fights here and there with older kids in my old neighborhood and learned my way around them.

One day I’m walking up to the fourth floor of the high school and the wrestling team was just standing there in the middle of the hall way. I moved past them and one of them hit the books out of my hands and he was the biggest one of them all.  I looked up at him and cussed him out and told him he better get my books.  They all started laughing and one of them said “make me!”  So as I reached for a weapon, that I carried at the time, a much smaller guy and obviously older than them gave them a look and they quickly gave me my books.  I don’t remember his name but I do remember him being around when I needed help the most.  So as days like this became common I would cut class and go home.  Once I’d get home I felt as if I didn’t belong and end up leaving again going back towards the school.  I usually went to the McDonalds because I really didn’t have a whole lot of their food before high school so I tried to enjoy as much of it as I could.  At times I would just go into the park and sit there staring out into the open and watch older people doing their exercises in the park.  There is a Marine Corp. station by there and I would watch them run up and down the side of the river and I’d count how long it took them to do so.  At some point I’d make it back home and go to my room and sleep.

I’ve adjusted to the house and the neighborhood as best I could and know it like the back of my hand. Over the years I’ve seen so many people move in and out of nearby buildings watch neighbors children grow up but I still don’t feel at home.  Sometimes I’ll take a day trip to Indiana or somewhere and when I get back I do feel a bit of comfort but it leaves as soon as I turn on the lights.  I’ve painted and move things around but the feeling never changes so the question is why do I feel that way?

I believe that the separation from my childhood home, friends, and neighborhood took place abruptly because we left at a time that the neighborhood was changing as well.  The area was never known for drug sales but the summer of 1989 crack was being sold across the street from the elementary school that was three blocks away.  I had my encounters with some of those drug dealers and it was never favorable for them because I didn’t understand why they wanted to sell drugs.  The biggest of them all were two brothers that were twins. They were making a lot of money and I later found out how they paid off the police to be able to sell across the street from the school without ever being bothered.  I felt as if when we left it was me turning my back to the community that had raised me and cared for me.

Many changes took place in my family during the early part of the 1990’s and as that changed I changed quicker.  I left my house at the age of 15 and dropped out of high school on my 16^th birthday at the suggestions of my principle.  This is how I found out that at 16 one can make the choice to leave school without their parents’ consent simply by signing my own name.  What power that took on my life and I always associated that with moving out of my childhood home.  Since then I’ve moved at least 25 times in my life everywhere from living alone to roommates to a basement room at a cousin’s house to a park bench at Riis Park for the summer and back here.  Each place has something special to it even the park bench.  I remember waking up one morning and just watching the squirrels run around looking for something to eat and I found comfort in that. 

I’m not unhappy I just don’t feel my space to be anything special as a home would for anyone else.  I keep the place up make sure any repairs that needs attention gets done.  The last time I painted I decided to paint a tree where my bed goes.  It’s not the best drawing but it does cover the whole wall so every night I feel like I’m sleeping under a tree again like I did on that park bench.  I still toss and turn but I’m finding my Peace at what should be my home.

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo

Looking for Peace.....in age.

When we think about responsibilities we quickly think about age and at what age certain responsibilities and opportunities people should have.  Mostly (in the US) it’s around employment, ability to buy cigarettes and liquor, and driving.  But have you looked at a chart on how others around the world view those same issues? 

Let’s look at voting:  What do North Korea, Sudan, and Indonesia have in common?  The legal voting age in those countries is 17.  What do Austria, Brazil, Nicaragua, and CUBA have in common?  The legal voting age in those countries is 16.  The rest of the world follows their former occupiers lead mostly and keep to the 18 rule that the USA and The UK have had for some years.  In some places it’s as high as 21 still.  What got my blood going was the age of marriage because it is split for men and women and obviously the world has a particular view about women.  On our side of the world the lowest we find for women to get married is 14 and for men it is 15.  On the other side the lowest is 12 for both men and women in only one country, no age limit in about 3 countries, but generally women at a much younger age than men.

I bring that up because in the US the view on marriage, in general, is that it is a serious commitment (with the exception of Hollywood) and one can take that on at the age of 18.  Across different states some allow marriage to take place legally at 16 with proof of consent from parents and so forth.  So with all of that information what is the RIGHT age for anything?  Let me tell you that I do not have an answer but I do have feelings about it.

When I watch the presidential debates and see grown people take jabs at each other like they were in a school yard it makes me wonder why we don’t have 16 and 17 year old voting.  Not to say that youth handle things in that way. What I mean is that if a youth were to hear some of the jabs that are thrown these youth are more likely to jump online to see if the jab has any validity to it.  As adults we kind of just shrug our shoulders and might remember to look at it later but base our likes and dislikes on political parties first then on how the person smiles.  I don’t mean to simplify things but it really is simple to make a decision on voting. How simple? By informing yourself.

Yesterday I wrote about a shooting at a high school outside of Cleveland and unfortunately the third student has passed away.  While the shooting was occurring students quickly jumped on their phones and began to text.  So many calls and text were going on that many did not go through so some quickly jumped on the computer to email.  Our youth today are thinking and reacting quicker than many of us did when we were in high school.  Now, I’m not that old I’m still in my thirties but as a kid I remember having friends that were not up to par when it came to thinking on the spot.  Today it’s different our youth want to know what’s going on as it’s going on and can do some amazing things with any phone or computer.

Information is the basis of any election, or at least it should be, so it is important for the people to have as much of it as possible.  Politicians spend a lot of money getting their versions of a truth out to the voters and these days it’s harder to lie because an educated voter can get on a computer and figure it out.  So with the need of information the need of correct information has become top priority for everyone.  Think about the last time you voted, did you research anything to make a decision for who you would be voting for?  For those of you that have youth in your daily lives, how many times do you tell them to do the research?  Does it add up for you? Why don’t we go out of our way to truly pick a candidate that will do the best job?  It really has come down to who has the most money raised and the better smile. 

Historians say that if the general public knew that FDR was in a wheel chair many wouldn’t have voted for him.  They also say that JFK won based partially on how he was viewed on TV against Nixon.  Our president now is a cool guy to watch in action because he knows how to work a crowd but a wink here and a fist pump there and we’ll vote for him again regardless of what we might need.  I’m not saying go vote republican what I am saying is that we need to encourage the best people around us to run for office.  With all of that said doesn’t it seem like we are picking a Prom King/Queen rather than a political leader? 

Our youth today have an insight that we are unable to have and voice that needs to be heard and respected.  If we open doors to our youth to drive possibly marry, employment, and many other things at 16 why can’t we have their VOTE?  I believe that many adults would not welcome it because they will make the mistake of saying “when I was that age I didn’t know a thing about politics…”  But they didn’t have the internet, tablets, and iPhone either and they got used to it.

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo

Looking for Peace.....in expectations.

Today just outside of Cleveland there was a shooting at a high school and as authorities gather information and possible motives one question jumps at me, do we expect shootings to only happen in poor Urban communities?  The general answer is yes but in a subconscious way and sometimes a very conscious way.

The media interviewed a father of one of the students and he said “This is not something you would expect at this locale” and you really have to ask yourself, what locale should we be expect shootings to happen?  I will say that I do not believe the father was being racist or anything like that he, I would assume, is making a general statement of an area he lives in.  The other side of that is what our society has placed in our minds as expectations.  I don’t expect to ever get shot anywhere in the world but can it happen?  Will it happen?  It might and it might not but if I were to get shot at the Vatican I would be just as surprised as if I were to be shot at home.  What we shouldn’t ever expect is for anyone to get shot outside of a war or some kind of military battle.  I say that because if we expect people to get shot we’re opening that door of possibilities that should remain closed.

When I speak on gang violence there’s always a couple of people that get brave to ask the silliest questions like “have you ever shot anyone?”  I think to myself that I should one day say “yes and they haven’t figured out it was me yet!” to see their reaction.  When I say “no I have never shot nor killed anyone” there’s either a disbelief look or a disappointed look on their faces and they walk away.  What would make someone think that someone would admit to a crime like that?  Are they expecting me to be a killer?  Why would they think that?  Just because I’m willing to admit that I have had my hands out on the street at some point in my life shouldn’t translate to “killer!”  Who is the twisted one in all of this?  I hope the answer is obvious to you.

Back to the school shooting today, one of the students interviewed said that they had recognized the shooter and said that the shooter was an outcast and was bullied at school but authorities have not confirmed anything so far.  What is it in our society that makes our people want to bully each other?  I had written before about how bullying is based on a feeling of hate so not until we address the full issue bullying will keep going.  What could have been done by the adults in that school to prevent a student from being bullied?  I know that schools now have anti-bully campaigns but when we look back at “say no to drugs” and “D.A.R.E” type of programs we have to think if “Stop bullying now” is going down the same road.  If you look at the website for the anti-bullying it’s a bit cheesy and is obvious that a bunch of disconnected “social workers” and such put it together.  One link reads “Bully-proofing your child” doesn’t hat almost sound like bullet proofing?  It might not to you but for someone that has worked in violence prevention for many years one learns to be careful about verbiage.  One of the basic lessons in violence prevention work is to be careful to not come up with a slogan that sounds too close to a “gang” name or an act of violence.  Why would you name your youth group at church G.A.N.G?  Oh I’m not making it up it’s actually out there it’s an acronym but it’s not the wisest one to use with a group of youth you are trying to get out of gangs.

It is that disconnection we have with our youth that keeps a cycle of violence in constant rotation because something that we think would work is most likely to create the least impact once it’s all over and done with.  How do we deal with this issue?  Do we allow youth to not only have voice but VOTE as well?  I know…I know that means we would have to amend the United States Constitution…so why don’t we?  If it meant that by allowing our youth to Vote that ONE life could be changed and saved then it is worth the amendment. Here’s the BUT, would we require our youth to understand not only the local and national issues but the global issues as well?  If anyone on here can give a 30 minute talk off the top of their heads on how Russia and China would benefit from sanctions on Iran then you’re on top of things. The reality is that not everyone has a full grasp on ALL the political issues so it would be unfair to say that a youth wouldn’t understand enough to Vote.

Shootings should NOT be happening anywhere in this country but the reality is it will continue until we decide that Peace is OUR expectation. 

I expect to live in Peace because I want to live in Peace and I will work on creating Peace for others so they can live in Peace as well.

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo

Looking for Peace.....in value.

Usually people go crazy during the holidays at the stores for “great sales” everyone is rushing to buy the new “in” thing so their friends and family.  So at that time of year we’ll hear about riots and a fight breaking out at Walmart or some electronic store but this week it is at a mall in Orlando.  Police were in riot gear and used their shields to push people back from a shoe store…think about that for a minute…

I could post pictures on here of people from all over the world that live their lives without ever owning a shoe but in Orlando the police had to come to a mall over a pair of shoes.  It seems like there was going to be a limited edition of NIKE sneakers going for $220 and people rushed the mall to go get them.  There’s a quote from someone that runs a shoe collectors website and he says that most people that buy the shoes go online and sells them for thousands he said it’s ruining the “shoe game.” 

We have been able to create a culture around everything else EXCEPT Peace isn’t that sad?  I can almost hear someone out there say ‘Peace isn’t cool because it wouldn’t look right to get into a riot over Peace.’  In Hip Hop there’s a lot of references to certain types of “game” and if we take apart what some of these Brothers are talking about it really does come down to that people believe that life itself is just a game.  Now, for some of my Hip Hop Brothers and Sisters let me be clear that I’m not saying that this is all Hip Hop but its what is being played on the radio that my reflection is on.

So when we look at whom financially backs this type of “music” that talks about how life is just a game and how it’s all about the clothes and cars it’s usually not someone that lives in the hood or ever from one.  The danger we create is making the young Brothers and Sisters believe that their life is nothing but a game.  Now I may be sounding like someone towards the right and I’m not headed there what I am saying is that there needs to be some responsibility in people.  Just like a parent that doesn’t want their children to pick up bad habits it means that the parent must not exhibit those bad habits in their lives as well. 

I grew up with NWA, RUN DMC, WU-TANG, Public Enemy, and many others but it was clear that they had concern in their lives for other things and they were tired of being stepped on so their music was of expression. 

Nike and their executives know very well that if they release a limited edition sneaker that these things will happen so the question is are they responsible for the riots that break out? I’ll leave the answer up to you.

So what do we value in our lives?  I value my life and the lives of others and that’s why I’m making this cross country trip.  I am looking forward to meeting many people from different backgrounds and see where they live and how they view Peace.  I look forward to going to churches and meeting with the people there and discuss how Peace is taught in their communities and see what has worked for them. I look forward to going into schools and looking at what programming they have set up to teach the children of other cultures and their arts program.  I look forward to meeting with people that might not have ever expected to meet someone like me someone from the inner city that has had their hands out on the street at one time.  I want to break bread with everyone and share our memories and dreams of our society.  I want to absorb our society to learn from it so that I can be a better Peace maker for our society.

Someone said to me that it’ll be fun to ride around the country for the summer and I looked at them and said “this isn’t a vacation it’s me working on Peace in our society.”  I will admit that in my life I have hurt many people emotionally and physically but I’ve never seriously hurt someone or killed anyone but I have my part of creating violence. 

When I was in my early twenties I used a horrible term in reference to a Gay man and I didn’t realize who was around me.  Quickly I was moved out of the room and told that what I had said was very offensive.  I didn’t find it offensive because I grew up hearing that term all the time and I used it often but then it hit me I had used it in a form of bringing someone down.  I could feel the rush of blood leave my face then come back and I was stunned unable to get myself out of that apartment but somehow I left.  Days later a wonderful woman by the name Abby sat down with me and talked to me about terms used towards the Gay community and she was so loving and patient with me.  I talked out why I had used the term and why I thought it was OK and she sat there and corrected me where ever I was wrong.  The one thing that stood out in our conversation was the thought of ‘if you want people to accept you for who you are you must first accept people for whom they are’ that is what I base my Peace work on.  

I’ll be honest that after that talk I had an incredible crush on her because at that time no one had touched my soul the way she did and we had plenty in common like we both loved women! 

I value two people that love each other and want to spend their lives together and support whoever those two people are.  I value life and it doesn’t matter what the pigmentation of their skin is or where they live just as long as they are alive there is always opportunity for wonderful things.  I value YOU because even though we may not know each other we are sharing a moment with each other that is intimate a conversation of equality, love, and acceptance. 

I plan on going to 32 states and 63 cities to share this and many other ideas of Peace that we can practice in our society and I do need YOUR help to achieve this goal.  I need YOU to share this blog alongside my website www.walkingtopeace.com and encourage people to not only read and share but to donate as well.  This trip is for you and you may ask how this will benefit you.  It benefits us all to have a Peaceful society because once we are there then we will have an abundance of opportunities to create a stronger society that can truly share the joys and message of Peace.  I humbly ask for your donation.  At the top right hand side of this Blog there is a link for donations as well following a link on my website www.walkingtopeace.com

I sincerely thank all of those that have already donated and for those that will donate in the future!

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo