Looking for Peace.....in answers.

A quote from the “Joker” – The Dark Knight movie:  “Nobody panics when things go “according to plan” even if the plan is horrifying.  If tomorrow I tell the press that, like, a gangbanger will get shot…or a truck load of soldiers will be blowing up…nobody panics…because it’s all part of the plan.”

When I first saw this movie at the theater I almost fell out of my chair and I looked around the crowd to see if anyone else caught that line and no one seemed to react to it the way I did.  As I thought about why no one did I looked at myself and asked ‘if I were to get shot tonight would people have expected it?’  I assume there will be people that will say “I saw it coming…” and others will say “he needs Jesus…” and the ones that know me best will be the only ones in shock.  I mean what I say because many that I know have different feelings about violence and for those of us that were involved, at some point, on the daily out on the streets we learned to expect those different feelings.  I always wondered why people can’t just love and worry about everyone as they do about children in other places around the world.  Recently, there’s been a video everyone is talking about and it’s about children in Uganda.  It’s horrible what is happening out there and in many places around the world but it’s never horrible here at home.  I’ve heard people say “why don’t the people of Uganda stand up and do something?” I read someone say “well look at how they live they are powerless and poor they can’t do anything that’s why they need our help!”  So what do we say about ourselves here in the USA about the violence our youth face?  Are we just as powerless and poor as the Brothers and Sisters in Uganda?

So is there a “plan?”  I don’t think there’s a master plan that keeps being checked by a group of people to see if they are on track but I do believe that there’s a motive to keep certain things from ever becoming better.  As the weather gets warmer here in Chicago it becomes bitter sweet for many because not only does it mean summer is coming but in some communities it means more violence as well.  So what plan do YOU have to help reduce that violence?  Just because you may not live in a community that expects the violence does that release you of any action?  Some of you might say “Yes I shouldn’t have to worry about it that’s why I left that community…” but then you go to church and pray for those in need…why is that?  I’m not trying to bash anyone what I am searching for is understanding.  How can someone that no longer lives, let’s say Chicago, think that they are no longer needed to take action against violence in Chicago?  If you lived there your whole life why wouldn’t you care?  So I find it odd that the same person would then give money or send clothes and food to another country because they are in need over there. 

I fully understand the need in other places around the world and advocate for people to help others as much as you can I just want to understand why there’s a sudden drop when we ask for help to reduce violence in our communities.  I had someone tell me once “I expect the police to take of it” to take care of what?  When I was homeless and sleeping in a park I had to steal so I could sell what I stole to get money for food and I’m willing to admit that once I walked into a store with the full outright intention of robbing the place because I was in need.  So I go from a troubled youth to a criminal in the eyes of our society because the troubled youth part gets left out.  I never robbed the place because the older man that worked there looked at me and gave me eye contact and I could see the look of concern in his face.  I quickly thought to myself if he knew why I was there or did he see the need in my face I felt bad and left.

Today our youth are NOT expecting much from themselves because we are NOT giving them the tools to reach many goals.  New schools being built in poor communities are focused on vocational and military style of schooling.  There’s nothing wrong with that but when those schools are ONLY in those communities one has to ask why? 

Why is there peeling paint in my school?

Why are there asbestos tiles on the school floors?

Why do we have to wear our coats in school during the cold months?

Why is there an armed police officer at my school’s community meeting?

Why do my teachers look stressed every day?

Why do I need to fill out an application to go to a public school?

Why am I fifteen and still in 8^th grade?

Why do we have to fight to get the answers for the questions above?

Is there a plan and does everyone knows about it and that’s why there’s no action to truly resolve these issues?

The “Joker” (from the movie the Dark Knight) was able to convince the character Harvey Dent of taking violent action towards those that had helped the “Joker” in killing his girlfriend.  It wasn’t hard because Harvey Dent was already in despair so it became logical to lash out against anyone in his way.  Has it become logical in our youth to lash out?  I don’t think we’ve reached that point but they are in despair and they are in need, what will you do about it?

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo

Looking for Peace.....at a BBQ?

Yesterday I had the pleasure to ride along with Luis J. Rodriguez to visit three Chicago schools to speak with students about Peace.  Luis is the author of several books and the one that has made him a bit more famous is “Always Running…la vida loca gang days in L.A.”   I met Luis back in 1994 during a founding meeting of Youth Struggling for Survival which he and his son Ramiro were helping to organize.  The first school we went to was set up by a wonderful Brother by the name of Hector Gonzalez.  Hector and I met in 1997 while he was still in high school and I worked as a youth outreach counselor.  We had a large group of students at the school yesterday and the staff and students were great.  When we got to the last school that was set up by another wonderful Brother Francisco Lozornio it was a bigger audience than I had expected. 

Luis, I, and a brother from Cease Fire (CF) were on stage and it was a discussion about what work we have done in Chicago on anti-violence.  The brother from Cease Fire seems like a good brother and I am sure his heart is in the right place the unfortunate part is the vision of the programming.  I do not mean to bash anyone but it is vital to have these discussions because it truly unveils what work needs to happen to create the impact of reducing violence in our communities.  So as the brother spoke I was waiting to hear how CF was helping people become employed, enrolled into college, enrolled into trade school, educating people on finance management, etc…  I was disappointed to hear about how when the weather gets better they will be doing a BBQ and bringing out the basketball hoops.  Really?  I see the worth of feeding the people and bringing people together to have a good time but is that a long lasting effective model for Peace? 

What is missing is the deeper conversation in our communities about why poverty still exists in our society.  When we keep our expectations low anyone can be happy with the results.  Unless there is a will to raise expectations we can be rest assured that by the time I’m 65 (28 years from now) I will be still talking about how to create Peace in our communities with the same old problems.  Our communities need places for our youth to not only enjoy a pickup game of basketball but also a school free from asbestos floor tiles and peeling paint.  Each school I went into yesterday had some sort of serious asbestos floor tiles, peeling paint, mold coming out of the vents in a boy’s bathroom, plaster falling from the ceiling, and I am sure there’s Lead paint somewhere.  One school a teacher was telling us that on the top floor of the school there’s a charter school functioning in their public school.  The teacher was clear that the staff on that top floor was no friends of theirs.  I do not blame the teacher for her feelings because she is already challenged with having to provide the best education she can with whatever low funding the school gets.  On top of that people from the main office tour schools to make sure you’re asking the right questions to students and all they can do is stand there and smile.  There are some really deep injustices in our schools that a basketball hoop and some BBQ are not going to solve.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a family member about this sort of things and she kept on insisting that “hey you gotta want it! Look at the people that have made it out of the hood so if they could so can anyone else…”  I do not completely disagree with her but I had to stop her and let her know that if we are OK with ONE person from ONE neighborhood making it every so often then we must really not care.  I know communities where you can go door to door and ask what are they biggest accomplishments someone from that house has made? and the list is short.  What I told her was that when we live in a city the size of Chicago there are expectations from that city government due to the fact that in some way we are all paying some sort of taxes into this system.  It is NOT in the benefit of the city to allow an entire community to fall out of repair and it isn’t fair to then waste the money on tree planters in the center of a street.

This brother from CF, like I said, I am sure he has the best interest for the community unfortunately he is not being given the opportunity to expand into areas that WILL create the Peace in our communities.  If a BBQ was really a solution then Israel and Palestine should be two peacefully countries right now with all the trips they made to Camp David…

My brothers and sisters at Cease Fire I truly hope that one day you can challenge Tio and Gary to really become peace makers.

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo

Looking for Peace.....in your role.

Over the weekend I kept having these sudden rushes of anxiety and thoughts while I was out shopping, driving, and trying to enjoy a cup of coffee.  I wondered if people preparing to go into battle feel the same way as they wait to be deployed or dropped into a hot zone.  I compare my anxiety over the weekend with a battle because that’s how I feel when dealing with the issues of violence in our society.  It won’t take the same form as a military battle but it carry’s almost the same significance I imagine.  I say that because the battle of reducing violence in our society is one that is being lost on a daily basis.  Our wonderful Brothers and Sisters in the military take action every day for what they believe in and I am grateful for them as members of our Nation.  As a society we kind of let things slide here and there allowing for someone around us to use hateful words to describe another person.  We change the channel when the death of a youth is being reported as a possible gang violence incident on the news.  We dismiss the person begging for food or some extra change on the street while we go out to a trendy overpriced restaurant.  Those are battles being lost and we don’t even realize it.

So then what do we do about it?  Do YOU want to take on this battle for a better society? 

We all have roles to play in life and within those roles we have to find a way to incorporate our abilities to impact people’s lives in a peacefully way.  Think about a time you went into a retail store and were treated with respect and diligence, how did it make you feel?  Or think about a time that you were ignored and treated with complete dismissal, did that feel right?  I use retail as an example because we have some of our most diverse interactions at a store.  I was at a store and the cashier was asking me if it was cold outside and I said it wasn’t too bad since it wasn’t windy.  She bagged my last bag handed me the receipt and without a look or verbal cue she let me know it was time to go.  I didn’t feel disrespected in any way I actually expected to be treated like that because our society has reached that point of disconnect.  The impact of that dismissal not only can potential harm me but her as well because it creates energy of negativity and carelessness.  I knew not to become offended because I’ve worked in retail before and know that at the end of a night everyone just wants to go home.  If I would have responded in a negative way to her dismissal what would I have sent her home with?  Most likely in a different mood that in turn would affect someone else that had nothing to do with that 2 minute interaction.

As I walked through a store I felt like my anxiety was written all over my face and felt like I was going to pass out.  A store employee looked at me and paused not sure whether to ask me if I needed help or not so they kept walking.  This sudden rush of thoughts came to me wondering how am I going to travel across the country and dare ask people what Peace means to them and how can we all find it.  How am I going to speak to people that may want nothing to do with me, Peace, or any other subject outside of their lives?  Money, transportation, accommodations, food, etc…and I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs but instead I took a deep breath and noticed a toddler with her parents.  The child looked so happy and entertained by an object they held in their hands.  I wondered, what does Peace mean to that child?  I can only imagine that at that very moment it was an object in their little hands and being with their parents is all that meant Peace to this child.  I took another deep breath and promised that I would do all possible to make sure that child can keep a clear image of Peace in their lives as they get older.

There are many ways to create Peace and finding what part we will play in that process is something I hope to not only help you but hope you can help me discover. 

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo

Looking for Peace.....in listening.

The winter in Chicago this year has been great not a lot of snow and when it does snow it’s over the weekend and by Monday it’s gone.  Today around 2pm it started to rain and that turned into hail and now its snow and as I’ve sat here at home I’ve heard all the different sounds it brought with it.  I focused on what the sounds were like and why they sounded that way.  How hail hit the window differently from rain and how snow creates slush on the sidewalks and road.  I went to the store and listened to how the weather affected people’s moods and interactions with each other.  I heard people speaking in a rushed tone most likely wanting to get home before it got worse outside.  I heard people dragging their feet as if the rain weighed on them heavily.  Then I heard a mother yell at her children and she was telling them “STOP LISTENING RIGHT NOW! JUST STOP IT!”  That stopped me in my tracks and I wanted to see what was going on that would make her say such a silly thing.  So I go over to the next aisle and there she is rushing and fumbling obviously not having a good day.  The youngest child was sitting in the cart and the older one was walking in circles around the shopping cart.  Then she repeated what she had said and I couldn’t make out why she was saying that and from the looks of it neither did the kids.

I can only imagine what her day may have been for her to not realize what she was saying or there are others issues that I’m unaware of but regardless of it all she was not listening to herself.  When we think about different ways to communicate and participate in Peace sometimes listening is left out of the equation.  Usually we donate money or physically involve ourselves in an action of some sorts but when do we think about just listening?  Counselors and therapist have to master the art of active listening because if they don’t they won’t be able to help their client the best way they can.  At work we have to listen to what needs to get done and take direction that is usually verbal.  In a relationship between two people if you can’t listen to each other then you’re going to have some hard times.

Many times I found myself sitting with a “gang” leader for hours and I would ask them key questions or we would be talking about how to settle some issues.  I would sit there and let them go on and on and listen for their emotions and their personal concerns.  Sometimes we would be in their house and I would listen to their interaction with their family if they were their or listen to their reaction when I would refer to a picture of their children.  All of that would give me an inside to their Peace and a slight change of tone in their voice would speak volumes of who they are as a person.  My ability to create some of the Peace on the streets has been due to that listening I did in those conversations.

When I was homeless I would sit for hours in the park that I slept in, thankfully it was summer time, and I would just sit there listening to all the sounds around me.  I was waiting to hear Gods voice and as I got older I realized that all the sounds of children playing and laughing the birds the wind all of it was Him speaking to just not me but to the world. 

For many years I bumped heads with my Father and spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to win an argument against him.  Then one day I just let him go on about everything and I truly began to listen to what he was saying.  I’ve learned a lot from him but also about him that I wouldn’t have otherwise learned if I didn’t pause to listen.  These days if we were to argue it has to be because I’m out looking for an argument with him simply because I listen to him now and know where he is coming from in other words I understand him now.  That is peacefully for me because I’m not fighting with him anymore and that creates Peace for my Mother all because I chose to listen to him.  Doesn’t mean I am agreeing with every single word he says but I am acknowledging his voice.  What would happen if governments took that approach and acknowledged everyone’s voice as an equal?

When we talk about Peace there are many ways to go about it, physical action, talking, listening, being present, financial, prayer, voting, etc… there are many ways to create Peace but only you can create that Peace!

Sit back and listen to yourself, are you at Peace?

Peace/AMOR

Gerardo

Looking for Peace.....inside of you.

What is Peace to you and how does it feel?  Do you really know what Peace is?  How do you create Peace?  I’d like to hear back from you on these questions so please email me at walkingtopeace@gmail.com I’ll go through them here and see if we are on the same page.

The first question is two in one “what is Peace to you and how does it feel” because you wouldn’t know what it was unless you know what it felt like.  Over the years working in violence prevention I’ve heard of many ways people experience Peace.  I met with a photographer in NYC some years ago and he was once a cocaine addict and said that while in rehab he found his Peace.  During a therapy group session they were given all throw-away cameras and asked to take pictures of what they saw.  He said that there was a tree in the yard and as he approached it and lifted the camera to his eye the tree looked different to him through the lens.  He pulled the camera away wondering if he was just having some effects of withdrawal from the cocaine but when he took the picture he was able to see the tree in a completely different way. When I met him he was a successful photographer with a home in NYC and one in Switzerland but the most important thing was that he had found his Peace and it felt right.  Feeling Peace can be translated into different ways I’ve heard everything from tears to laughter to feeling right to silence.  Whatever the feeling is you’ll know if it’s Peace or not because it’ll be that feeling you haven’t had before or haven’t felt in a very long time.  Someone out there might say that they are in constant Peace and that’s great but then I would ask if that’s the case how are they helping others get there.

Do you really know Peace?  That’s a tough one because I have met many people that have said NO to this question.  There is a man I know that is in his mid-40’s and went to prison when he was younger during the late 1970’s and paroled out in mid-1990’s.  His family has a history of prison time and always on the poverty line.  One day we were walking and it was a beautiful summer day and I said ‘wow it’s peaceful out here’ and he looked at me like I was crazy and said “what’s so peaceful?!”  He started to run down all the problems he had in his life at the moment and wanted me to help him figure out how the hell it was a peaceful day…I know he’s still in that same place today.  How do we help people that have never seen or felt Peace? I know what Peace is and have felt it many times before but it has been a while since we have crossed paths because I’m looking for the next level of that Peace…I’ll expand on that in a moment.

So how do you create Peace?  I was driving down Chicago Ave. and Central Park in Chicago the other day and noticed a group of people walking down the street all with bright red t-shirts on.  As I got closer I saw the words Cease Fire and the outline of a body printed on the t-shirts.  Cease Fire is a group that does gang intervention work and has recently had a documentary film made of them as well.  Their slogans are “stop killing people” “don’t shoot I want to grow up” and others.  Carlos Mencia, a comedian, was in Chicago a few months back and saw the sticker on a window for Cease Fire that read “stop killing people” and he posted a picture of the sticker on his face book page saying ‘what’s going on in Chicago that people have to tell each other not to kill!?’ What Cease Fire is trying to do is place a band aid over a larger issue of poverty and that will not work and all they are doing is creating a false sense of Peace in the community.  Some say that at least they are trying and I would agree if some of that $30million+ in funding was going into something other than basketball night.

Creating Peace is a difficult thing to do because you have to start with yourself and your issues.  You have to be able to allow yourself to be held accountable in society for your actions and be able to truthfully seek forgiveness for anything you might have done.  I’m not saying you have to be perfect but you have to be willing to try to do things differently.

What I’m trying to do this year is just that to try something different.  I know that if a gang war starts in Chicago I would have an idea on how to address it to hopefully make it stop.  What I don’t know is how to help the farmer in Kansas find Peace or the police officer in New Mexico or the Preacher in Texas.  I want to know the people of this land better so that I can help create Peace in different forms for people.  I want to learn from others across the country that are doing Peace work and see how we can connect what they are doing with everyone else.  I’m willing to do the leg work and I hoping that you can support me in that work because this isn’t about traveling across the country this is about all of us creating Peace.

May 1^st 2012 I will be leaving from Los Angeles on a 4 month cross country trip to find out what Peace means to America and find ways that we can have a Peaceful society.  There are many avenues we can take and new opportunities we can give each other to help bring about a Peaceful society we just have to be willing.

I humbly ask for your support on this journey, you can go to www.walkingtopeace.com and go to the donation tab and there you’ll find a link where you can submit your donation.  Also, at the top right hand side of this Blog you’ll see a donation button that you can click on as well.

I want to THANK everyone that has already donated to this project and hope that you will be able to help this project as well!

Peace/AMOR